Due to rapid population growth, the Department of Health and Human Services has placed a limit on the use of certain common names. In the United States alone, the number of Debbies, Meagans and Kevins has become unmanageable. As a public service, AcmeSoft Dynamics has researched and compiled a list of names guaranteed never to have been applied to human infants. From time to time, as new names are cleared, we will add them to the list.

You may use a pleasing combination of these words (such as Aspergum Chimp Delay, or Carcinoma Gnarly Army) as the legal name of your next child.

Adenoid Anesthesia Asphalt Aspergum Bicuspid Bladder Bleach Bloat Booger Borax Bordello Calamine Cannibal

Carcinoma Casket Chimp Chlorine Clot Clump Comatose Corpulence Creosote Cud Cyst Dalmatian Delirium

Dramamine Dementia Ebola Elsewhere Entrail Fester Flatulence Flotsom Gnarly Gnat Gobbit Goiter Helvetica

Hoarse Homocide Inertia Isobar Jab Jackal Jugular Kleenex Lard Latrine Lemur Lick Magnesia

Mastoid Mitosis Monadnock Morphine Mucus Murine Nasal Nasty Nematode Nicotine Oratorio Oxydol Phlegm

Pigmentosa Plasma Pleurisy Porcine Poultice Pustule Quarantine Rabid Rodentia Snarl Snicker Snorkle Spittle

Tumor Uterine Valvoline Wad

Caution: Some of these suggestions are names of commercial products. If, by using them, you or your offspring suffer public humiliation or are sued for trademark infringement, AcmeSoft Dynamics cannot assume responsibility.

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Copyright © 1996 Reno Bailey